Sometimes It Rains Like Crazy in Philly

I know we’re in the throes of some of the best NBA playoffs in years. Throw in some classic NHL matchups (Boston/Montreal), and you’re hard pressed to watch anything else on TV. I guess I’m becoming a real fan, because on Saturday, in spite of it all, I still tuned in to watch our good old Seattle Sounders play Philly in the driving rain in front of a sparse, bedraggled, poncho-wearing crowd.

The bad news? They didn’t win. The good news? They also didn’t lose. The game ended with what some consider the least American result of all: a tie. 

[The good stuff is after the jump...]

Dallas 89 Portland 81 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dirk Nowitzki

After getting shoved and bumped for three quarters without calls, Dirk took over. I expect to see ‘Dirk 4 Führer’ signs in the stands for game 2. Herr Nowitzki had 18 points in the fourth quarter and dominated every possession down the stretch for Dallas who, other than Dirk, had no offense going.

Most surprising Moment:

Jason Kidd going apeshit from downtown. As my friend Sully said, if Jason Kidd is hitting threes off the dribble, it’s all over.

Favorite moments:

• Lamarcus Aldridge going backdoor twice on Peja Stojakovic for alley oops was hilarious and led to Peja now being known as backdoor Peja. I couldn’t find video on youtube, but this picture pretty much sums it up.

• Dirk had the best cut of the game when he backdoor Peja’d Lamarcus Aldridge in an act of revenge against the abuse of slow European in the NBA. This happened because Portland was so worried about Dirk getting into his midrange game. But instead, he went to the hoop and got free throws. He made all 13 of them that day.

Atlanta 103 Orlando 93 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dwight Howard

His team lost, but he had the best game. Career high of 45 points added to 19 rebounds proved what we all suspected. Jason Collins is a great defensive center. Oh wait he’s not. But who cares, the Hawks won anyway because they had more than two players show up for the game. Hopefully Dwight Howard emotionally sodomizes his teammates. They deserve it after the poop sandwich of a game they played.

Most surprising Moment:

I was shocked that Orlando was so soft they lost to a not very good Hawks team. Dwight even has to be his own enforcer.

Favorite moments:

• Kirk Hinrich proving that he’s 10 times better than Mike Bibby by only crapping his pants 4 times on defense.

• Atlanta’s jerseys this season. They look sharp.

Miami 97 Philadelphia 89 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dwyane Wade

The Dwyane Wade and LeBron James were effectively one offensive player this season. His name was Dwyane James and he set an NBA record by averaging 52.2 points and an insane 76 minutes per game. But today they dissolved into their respective selves and Dwyane Wade LITERALLY grabbed the conch and led his team to a win in the fourth quarter. If this trend continues and Miami has its alpha dog issues solved … then they’re still really boring to watch, but they could win the championship.

Most surprising Moment:

Nothing was too surprising. Philly can’t stop Dwyane James or Chris Bosh.

Favorite moments:

• Dwyane Wades kicks Thaddeus Young and banks in the shot. Even when Wade kicks you he gets the call.

• When the game was over. This was really a boring game. Philly couldn’t hurt Miami’s zone and I had to watch Mike Bibby and Zydrunas Ilgauskas play sports.

Bulls 104 Pacers 99

Player of the Game: Derrick Rose

Reason: He is the fastest player on the planet. Nobody on Indiana can guard him. The Bulls ran strictly clear outs and let Rose go to the basket as hard as he can. I’ve never seen anyone get to the rim as fast as Rose does. He goes right around guys trying to take a charge. His penetration got him 21 free throws and he made 19. That was the deciding factor, especially late in the game.

Most surprising Fact:

Larry Bird’s army of white guys was better than Chicago through 3.5 quarters. Danny Granger and Tyler Hansbrough were making shots all over the court and kept the crowd out of the game most of the way. Then, Derrick Rose decided enough was enough and won the game. It’ll be interesting to see if Indiana responds with another great effort, or if they fold after blowing a ten point lead with under four minutes left.

Favorite moments:

• Kurt Thomas gave Tyler Hansbrough the peoples elbow and almost knocked him unconscious. I love players like Kurt; quiet guys who hurt people.

• Tyler Hansbrough totally dominated Carlos Boozer.

• Luol Deng firing up the Bulls crowd after he got a technical was great to see.

NBA Playoffs

I realize that in Seattle, the NBA is not a very highly appreciated commodity. There is no home team to root for any longer and therefore it's understandable to dismiss. But for fans of true sport, there's no denying the fact that the NBA continually produces the most exciting television and storylines of all sports. MLB and NFL games drag out too long and the players aren't as recognizable or celebrated. The NHL is a fringe sport, like soccer and UFC, therefore its fan base is passionate yet small. There's varying reasons for this that I'm not going to get in to now. My point is that the NBA is worth your time regardless of the way it deceived and stole our franchise. Because honestly if you hate the NBA for its Seattle dealings so much, then stop filling up Starbucks or Seattle’s Best coffee. So I have some thoughts on day one of the playoffs.

Note: Seattle’s Best is the coffee equivalent of Milwaukee’s Best beer.

DH stands for Designated Hobo

Mariners DH’s post Edgar have been a mish-mash of an unemployable and often intolerable employ.

From 1995 to 2004, the Seattle Mariners had the best DH in baseball. Edgar Martinez was this man, and his numbers defend my half-drunken boast. Garr, whose legend is commemorated on a street sign outside Safeco Field batted .316 with over 1500 hits, 247 HR’s and an OPS of .971. That’s not counting Edgar’s historical impact on Seattle baseball and the warm feelings we all have when his name is brought up. Edgar is a Seattle sports icon, and since his retirement we have seen a parade of frauds, charlatans, and overall douchebags.

(Raul Ibanez actually lucked into the position for the 2005 season. The Mariners decided to place the fleet footed Jeremy Reed in the outfield rather than Raul. But since Raul was and is a career left fielder I will not include him. So we will begin with the 2006 season.)

[The good stuff is after the jump...]

Jersey Shore is over, but the Mariners are taking its place

I was watching the final episode of the latest Jersey Shore season with a buddy the other night (for me it was the second time, obviously I had watched it online the Friday after it aired), and we spent most of it complaining about how tired the Ronnie and Sammi thing had become. Sure it was cute in the beginning, and the first few arguments were entertaining, but at a certain point, you start to get worried about them, then you move past it and just get annoyed. Ronnie going crazy and destroying Sammi's room, her constant needling and accusations, his borderline sociopath reactions to those accusations, their explanations that somehow other people just can't see how good it is?

It's a terrible relationship, it's gone on too long, and everybody knows it.

And then I had one of those moments. Is that me?

As somebody who loves the Mariners, had I, had all of the Mariners fans become Sammi? While the whole world watches us get our hopes up time and time again, the organization promises big changes while not really doing anything different. "Believe" they tell us, and when things go bad, they say they're sorry and it will be better soon (http://seattle.mariners.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=13206145). And just like Sammi responding to an uncomfortably contrite and sobbing Ronnie saying that he's "really sorry bro", we are right there with them, heading right back to the the smush room. 

And then Ronnie has a triple make out session at the club/Carlos Silva gets a monster contract. Or Ronnie flips out and screams at Sammi/Milton Bradley is batting third in our lineup. Or Ronnie stays in bed all day softly weeping/fans watch great prospects leave while the organization picks Jeff Clement over three future all stars (Troy Tulowitzki, Ryan Zimmerman, and Ryan Braun) in 2005, only to pass up Tim Lincecum for Brandon Morrow the very next year.

Sure there are other options. We could start following the Storm (Seattle's championship team), the Seahawks (at least they have a Superbowl appearance) or the Sounders (a few open cups, though they have been equally disappointing as of late). Yet just like Sammi makes her way back to the shore and into Ronnie's arms, we'll be back each Spring with expectations of the next great season. To those who think we're crazy: We have a great thing going on, and you'll just never understand it.