Monday, May 9, 2011

No More Milton

Milton Bradley is no longer a Mariner.

Designated for assignment, it’s now only a matter of time before he packs his bags and makes his way out of town. It’s not a shock, and it’s hard to get that upset about the whole thing. Milton was, after all, one half of the “head case formerly semi good player with a bloated contract” player swap of a few years ago. The other half of that is busy working in single A ball trying to get a call up from the Yankees, where he could join Bartolo Colon and CC to put together one of the fattest pitching threesomes around. Quick fun fact: those three combined weigh 845. Jason Vargas, Erik Bedard, Jason Vargas, and Felix Hernandez? Those FOUR weigh 845. Let’s hope Big Carlos can make it happens just for novelty sake.

But I digress.

Sure it’s been a rough few weeks for Milton, maybe even a rough year or two, but didn’t we sort of know this going in? He had a reputation as a difficult character, yet he clearly had potential, and the ones close to him always vouched for his character. He drove fans and management crazy, yet in his quieter moments it was clear he was troubled, and it was easy to make excuses for his behavior. In those glimpses, you sort of thought he could be rehabilitated, and people who knew him said the same. And I think we wanted to believe them, because on some level, we all sort of know a guy like Milton (minus the earplugs and millions of dollars).

A buddy of ours brought a guy like this to cabin party a few years ago. We’d heard good things about him, and at first, he seemed like a nice enough guy. He might just fit in, we thought, and so we sat around shooting the shit and drinking beers. But, like Milton, at a certain point it took a turn for the worse.  This guy proceeded to get loaded and talk about Oregon football and his Jerome Bettis poster collection (delicate territory for a house full of hawks/uw fans). As he sank further into his drunken stupor, he became all the more ardent in his Bettis love, trying to provoke a fight while alternately apologzing, spinning around like an emotional dervish before tiring himself out, eventually slumping over in his chair and falling asleep. He hung around for the weekend and after that, we never saw him again.

Which brings us back to Milton. We wanted him to succeed and he didn’t, alternating between trying too hard and walking out, all the while harboring an anger and level of defeat so profound that he told a Seattle Times reporter he had seriously contemplated suicide. And so I guess Milton leaving is a bummer, but I’m not really all that upset about the outcome, just that it took so long for him to go. It’s like that guy who loved “The Bus”...maybe he’s a good person and maybe he’s trying to please, but he’s worn out his welcome, and it was time for him to leave. I hope those guys can figure it out, but they’re gone now, and it’s probably for the best.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Congratulations Kings Fans

I want to say congratulations to the fans of the Sacramento Kings on getting one last shot to find a way to keep their team. I'm quite uneducated about the specifics of the situation and the chances of their getting a new arena. But the fans their have always seemed like they give a damn about the team and knowing firsthand how much it sucks to lose a team due to the bullshit bureaucracy of professional sports, I'm happy for them that they get another year to work it out. Personally, this is nice to see after the Sonics fiasco of three summers ago. It doesn't hurt that their mayor is an ex-NBA player as opposed to the slovenly Greg Nickels Seattle was stuck with as its chief negotiator. It appears that Sacramento's politicians have learned from Seattle's mistake of being unorganized and naive about the reality of a team being moved at the fickle whim of ownership.

Some similarities about the Kings and Thunder owners.

1. Neither Clay Bennett (Thunder) or the Maloof brothers (Kings) made their millions through business proficiency of their own. They both inherited the money. Clay Bennett married the daughter of a wealthy media mogul Edward Gaylord, while the Maloofs are sons of billionaire beer distributor George Maloof.

2. They're both douchebags. Clay Bennett looks like an evil fuck, and he also bought the Sonics, lied about his intentions to not move the team, made a half-assed attempt to mesh with local business and politicians, and sued his way out of any obligation to keeping the team in Seattle.
The Maloof brothers own a Vegas Casino. That's about as douchey as you can get.

The bottom line is that NBA teams do not need to move because the owners run bad businesses and can't afford to build their own arena. If you demand the arena is paid for by local taxpayers, but you want a scenario where you own it and receive profits from all events hosted there, then you are a horrible person. Bud Selig has done a lot of stupid, fan enraging things over the years, but he did force a takeover of the LA Dodgers when their owner Frank McCourt got taken to the cleaners in his divorce. If NBA Commissioner David Stern had the dignity to do something like this, as opposed to being a lackey for the owners in the league, there wouldn't have been three franchise relocations in the last 10 years.


Dallas 95 Lakers 93 - Game 1

I'm rebooting my playoff game rundowns after a long vacation in Finland and Estonia where basketball is about as popular as AIDS. Enjoy.

Player of the Game: Dirk Nowitzki

He murdered the mongoloid that is Pau Gasol, including 14 boards with his 28 points, he played a fantastic game. 'Dirk 4 Führer' chants rang out from Mavericks fans all over Germany as he sank two clutch free throws to give Dallas the lead with 19.5 seconds left.

Most Surprising Moment: Pau Gasol's meltdown to end the game.

First he fouls Dirk moving away from the hoop on the inbounds pass 30+ feet out, then he accidentally hip checks Kobe while trying to get KB8 the ball and hands it off to Jason Kidd. Pau should be the most dominant player in this series, but he played about as weak as his weird bearded jawline in the 4th quarter.

Favorite Moments:

  • Pau Gasol's failures in the fourth quarter. I love the Lakers blowing a home game simply because they refuse to play basketball.
  • Jason Kidd playing like it's 2003 and sticking to Kobe. Kobe hasn't had that much white skin pressed against him since his spa trip in Colorado. Yes I am not above hackey rape jokes about Kobe Bryant. Also, his recent gay slur lead to this PSA from the Lakers. Way to rope your teammates into it Kobe, true leadership.
  • Kobe Bryant missed the game winner even though he was wide open. Bad D by Dallas and they got lucky, they'll need more luck to get through this series, but game one is a good start.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sometimes It Rains Like Crazy in Philly

I know we’re in the throes of some of the best NBA playoffs in years. Throw in some classic NHL matchups (Boston/Montreal), and you’re hard pressed to watch anything else on TV. I guess I’m becoming a real fan, because on Saturday, in spite of it all, I still tuned in to watch our good old Seattle Sounders play Philly in the driving rain in front of a sparse, bedraggled, poncho-wearing crowd.

The bad news? They didn’t win. The good news? They also didn’t lose. The game ended with what some consider the least American result of all: a tie. 


[The good stuff is after the jump...]

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dallas 89 Portland 81 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dirk Nowitzki
After getting shoved and bumped for three quarters without calls, Dirk took over. I expect to see ‘Dirk 4 Führer’ signs in the stands for game 2. Herr Nowitzki had 18 points in the fourth quarter and dominated every possession down the stretch for Dallas who, other than Dirk, had no offense going.

Most surprising Moment:
Jason Kidd going apeshit from downtown. As my friend Sully said, if Jason Kidd is hitting threes off the dribble, it’s all over.

Favorite moments:
  • Lamarcus Aldridge going backdoor twice on Peja Stojakovic for alley oops was hilarious and led to Peja now being known as backdoor Peja. I couldn’t find video on youtube, but this picture pretty much sums it up.
  • Dirk had the best cut of the game when he backdoor Peja’d Lamarcus Aldridge in an act of revenge against the abuse of slow European in the NBA. This happened because Portland was so worried about Dirk getting into his midrange game. But instead, he went to the hoop and got free throws. He made all 13 of them that day.

Atlanta 103 Orlando 93 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dwight Howard
His team lost, but he had the best game. Career high of 45 points added to 19 rebounds proved what we all suspected. Jason Collins is a great defensive center. Oh wait he’s not. But who cares, the Hawks won anyway because they had more than two players show up for the game. Hopefully Dwight Howard emotionally sodomizes his teammates. They deserve it after the poop sandwich of a game they played.

Most surprising Moment:
I was shocked that Orlando was so soft they lost to a not very good Hawks team. Dwight even has to be his own enforcer.

Favorite moments:
  • Kirk Hinrich proving that he’s 10 times better than Mike Bibby by only crapping his pants 4 times on defense.

Miami 97 Philadelphia 89 – Game 1

Player of the Game: Dwyane Wade
The Dwyane Wade and LeBron James were effectively one offensive player this season. His name was Dwyane James and he set an NBA record by averaging 52.2 points and an insane 76 minutes per game. But today they dissolved into their respective selves and Dwyane Wade LITERALLY grabbed the conch and led his team to a win in the fourth quarter. If this trend continues and Miami has its alpha dog issues solved … then they’re still really boring to watch, but they could win the championship.

Most surprising Moment:
Nothing was too surprising. Philly can’t stop Dwyane James or Chris Bosh.

Favorite moments:
  • When the game was over. This was really a boring game. Philly couldn’t hurt Miami’s zone and I had to watch Mike Bibby and Zydrunas Ilgauskas play sports.

Bulls 104 Pacers 99

Player of the Game: Derrick Rose
Reason: He is the fastest player on the planet. Nobody on Indiana can guard him. The Bulls ran strictly clear outs and let Rose go to the basket as hard as he can. I’ve never seen anyone get to the rim as fast as Rose does. He goes right around guys trying to take a charge. His penetration got him 21 free throws and he made 19. That was the deciding factor, especially late in the game.

Most surprising Fact:
Larry Bird’s army of white guys was better than Chicago through 3.5 quarters. Danny Granger and Tyler Hansbrough were making shots all over the court and kept the crowd out of the game most of the way. Then, Derrick Rose decided enough was enough and won the game. It’ll be interesting to see if Indiana responds with another great effort, or if they fold after blowing a ten point lead with under four minutes left.


Favorite moments:

NBA Playoffs

I realize that in Seattle, the NBA is not a very highly appreciated commodity. There is no home team to root for any longer and therefore it's understandable to dismiss. But for fans of true sport, there's no denying the fact that the NBA continually produces the most exciting television and storylines of all sports. MLB and NFL games drag out too long and the players aren't as recognizable or celebrated. The NHL is a fringe sport, like soccer and UFC, therefore its fan base is passionate yet small. There's varying reasons for this that I'm not going to get in to now. My point is that the NBA is worth your time regardless of the way it deceived and stole our franchise. Because honestly if you hate the NBA for its Seattle dealings so much, then stop filling up Starbucks or Seattle’s Best coffee. So I have some thoughts on day one of the playoffs.
Note: Seattle’s Best is the coffee equivalent of Milwaukee’s Best beer.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

DH stands for Designated Hobo

Mariners DH’s post Edgar have been a mish-mash of an unemployable and often intolerable employ.
From 1995 to 2004, the Seattle Mariners had the best DH in baseball. Edgar Martinez was this man, and his numbers defend my half-drunken boast. Garr, whose legend is commemorated on a street sign outside Safeco Field batted .316 with over 1500 hits, 247 HR’s and an OPS of .971. That’s not counting Edgar’s historical impact on Seattle baseball and the warm feelings we all have when his name is brought up. Edgar is a Seattle sports icon, and since his retirement we have seen a parade of frauds, charlatans, and overall douchebags.
(Raul Ibanez actually lucked into the position for the 2005 season. The Mariners decided to place the fleet footed Jeremy Reed in the outfield rather than Raul. But since Raul was and is a career left fielder I will not include him. So we will begin with the 2006 season.)

[The good stuff is after the jump...]

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Jersey Shore is over, but the Mariners are taking its place

I was watching the final episode of the latest Jersey Shore season with a buddy the other night (for me it was the second time, obviously I had watched it online the Friday after it aired), and we spent most of it complaining about how tired the Ronnie and Sammi thing had become. Sure it was cute in the beginning, and the first few arguments were entertaining, but at a certain point, you start to get worried about them, then you move past it and just get annoyed. Ronnie going crazy and destroying Sammi's room, her constant needling and accusations, his borderline sociopath reactions to those accusations, their explanations that somehow other people just can't see how good it is?

It's a terrible relationship, it's gone on too long, and everybody knows it.

And then I had one of those moments. Is that me?

As somebody who loves the Mariners, had I, had all of the Mariners fans become Sammi? While the whole world watches us get our hopes up time and time again, the organization promises big changes while not really doing anything different. "Believe" they tell us, and when things go bad, they say they're sorry and it will be better soon (http://seattle.mariners.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=13206145). And just like Sammi responding to an uncomfortably contrite and sobbing Ronnie saying that he's "really sorry bro", we are right there with them, heading right back to the the smush room. 

And then Ronnie has a triple make out session at the club/Carlos Silva gets a monster contract. Or Ronnie flips out and screams at Sammi/Milton Bradley is batting third in our lineup. Or Ronnie stays in bed all day softly weeping/fans watch great prospects leave while the organization picks Jeff Clement over three future all stars (Troy Tulowitzki, Ryan Zimmerman, and Ryan Braun) in 2005, only to pass up Tim Lincecum for Brandon Morrow the very next year.

Sure there are other options. We could start following the Storm (Seattle's championship team), the Seahawks (at least they have a Superbowl appearance) or the Sounders (a few open cups, though they have been equally disappointing as of late). Yet just like Sammi makes her way back to the shore and into Ronnie's arms, we'll be back each Spring with expectations of the next great season. To those who think we're crazy: We have a great thing going on, and you'll just never understand it. 



Monday, March 28, 2011

NYRB game makes me sad, but then I cheer myself up by screaming my lungs out at the xbox pitch

I planned to write about the Red Bulls game. I even took great minute-by minute notes.

Here’s the problem: with a few exceptions I could cut and paste the Galaxy post. An anemic offense, an apathetic Alvaro Fernandez, an ineffective O’Brian White, and a big market team totally dominating the Sounders.

That’s a little unfair of course, because the New York game featured some great ball movement and was a far cry from the sloppy affair that played out on the wet Xbox pitch on opening night. Still, the problems of the first match remained. Hurtado gave up bad fouls and looked out of sorts on the back line, and the wings, once the Sounders strength, looked impossibly weak. In spite of a few inspired runs later in the game, the Sounders were wise to remove a largely ineffective Fernandez, and the introduction of Rosales was welcome if only to see a new face and a player who looked hungry albeit a bit of match fitness.

When it was all said and done, the New York game (at least for an objective viewer) was a thing of beauty, clear evidence of an improving MLS. The trouble is that Seattle was dominated, and deserved to lose, looking the worse team for the duration of the game (save for some strong individual performances by Jeff Parke, Leo Gonzalez, and Kasey Keller).

The real question is whether or not Seattle could learn.

I went to the match last Friday to find out. It was a draw against a middling team, but I left the stadium encouraged. Sigi benched Hurtado (hurting for fitness) and Fernandez (distracted? just ineffecitve?) and over the course of the game put together a line-up that looked like it could win.

Of course even the new set up was far from perfect. Zach Scott, pressed into service following an injury to Riley showed why James is such an integral part of the team. Brad Evans, returning from a long spell away, seemed rusty and a level below the rest of the midfield. The good news is that as the game progressed and substitutions were made, the Sounders looked increasingly dangerous. The removal of Evans, pulling Friberg into the center of the pitch and inserting a composed and evermore dangerous Rosales gave Seattle a new look, and with the rehabilitated Jaqua entering for the disappointing White, Sigi seemed to find a lineup that will work.


So Seattle isn’t New York or LA. In fact, right now they’re the type of team that ties Houston (although to be fair PNW native Tally Hall played absolutely out of his mind and deserves a ton of credit for the draw). But Sigi, even in the face of an increasingly restless fanbase, demonstrated again that he’s a guy who has earned his fair share of titles. A little unease at the beginning of the season is fine, and it looks like the team and the coaching staff is learning. Let’s hope the trend continues...who knows, one day they may even pick up a win.






Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sounders Year 3 - Still Can't Score

I don’t know what I expected. At the close of the 2010 Sounders season, a toothless first round exit against the Galaxy, the problem was clear even to the casual observer: the goals weren’t there. And so in the months that followed, the Sounders lost speed on the right flank (Nyassi), and one of their leading goal scorers (Nkufo, who had his moments in spite of being old and wildly inconsistent), and failed to make any real effort to replace them.

O’Brien White, the former MAC trophy winner and Toronto castoff, is a reclamation project, which is fine, but not an acceptable solution if ownership is committed to winning an MLS cup or Supporters Shield. Aside from the oft-injured Mike Fucito (who I have unrealistically high expectations for just because he wants it so bad and plays so hard), the other options up top are guys like Estrada and Neagle, players who no longer young enough to be considered true development prospects who are likely to spend most of their time in the reserve league.

So what should Seattle do? I guess I don’t know the answer, but it shouldn’t be nothing. I want to feel cautiously optimistic about Hanauer’s cap-space comments following Nkufo’s release, but what free agent could the Sounders pick up now, and can they afford to wait until the summer transfer window for a good option up front?

Fredy Montero, given the right surrounding cast, can be a great MLS striker, and with Zakuani looking good even when playing marginally injured and a step slower, maybe the Sounders can tough it out. It’s hard to tell, and by opening against a great LA team, then flying to New York to play a Red Bull’s team that is better on paper than any other in the league, it may be difficult to get a good read. Still, those are the teams Seattle should be on par with, and for much of the game Tuesday night, the Sounders looked a notch below.

I’m probably not even a real Sounders fan, and I certainly wasn’t going to games back when they were a USL club with a small but loyal following. I’m one of those normal Sounders fans, the kind that goes to games periodically, helps pack the stadiums, and adds to that atmosphere that people across the country call the best in the MLS. As one of those casual fans, I don’t claim to deserve better striking options, but the failure to fix a glaring problem two years running isn’t a great sign for a club that claims to want championships.

So I’ll wait, and pass my time doing the things good soccer fans do. I’ll complain about ESPN’s confused cameramen and bad soccer coverage. I’ll bitch about the boisterous Max Bretos trying to destroy the pretty decent pregame patter between Alexi Lalas and Taylor Twellman (whose scarf looked better than Alexi’s weird gloves). And I’ll hope that someone, anyone, can show up and help Fredy and Steve score the goals they need to win some games.
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Other Game Notes


Chad Barrett=Woody Harrleson. Think about it. 


John Harkes still isn't the answer for ESPN. Around minute 7 he explains that the Sounders are unable to retain possession. He would have a decent point if either team could string even a few passes together, but the reality is that it’s a mess out there and the ball is bouncing around like crazy.


We should hope O'Brian White  is rusty, otherwise he's just bad. Got two great balls from Steve, who despite being injured was the best Sounder by far, and couldn't finish either, looking like a fool on the sitter served up in the 24th minute.


Beckham is older now, has lost a step, is no longer universally adored by fans, and looks borderline creepy with his long hair. At the same time, he can still string together some good passes and threaten on set plays. At this point, he's really a pretty good MLS villain, so I have no problem with him staying in the league. 


El flaco needs to settle in, because that first game all I noticed was how much the Sounders missed Nyassi's pace on the wing. Alvaro just didn't ever look comfortable, and he needs to find his rhythm quickly or I think he starts losing minutes to Miguel (a move I actually hope the try, together with moving Steve to the right flank where he is consistently more dangerous).


The Sounders defense looked a step slow. Not sure what they could have done with the LA goal, although Juninho had too much time. Like a basketball team just giving up the perimeter shot, they should have at least had a hand in his face to contest the 3. Just didn't seem totally with it, and given the Sounders anemic scoring rate, that might be an issue. Midfield is solid and they come back to help, so probably won't be a huge deal, but not how you want to start the season. 


Final thought: The game got better as it went along, but it started out as a textbook example of why people hated the MLS. Max Bretos is terrible, there were a ton of long balls, no control (I blame the rain a little bit) a non-grass surface...and hey, even played in a football stadium. But it's the first game, so let's just chalk it up to that, and try to stay optimistic. 


Next up: New York Redbulls...